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Please give me the magic-spell-words to make him see this and dump him.
Or else the fortitude to watch him marry this creep. I mean – He can’t hang, and he doesn’t treat my friend well.
There’s a poem by Marilyn Hacker called “She Bitches About Boys” with the line: This guy found me when I was a bit lonely and unmoored and he expertly crawled up into my life by showering me with affection and attention and orgasms.
He also provided just enough confessions of deep childhood trauma that – when he hurt me – my first instinct would be to feel sorry for him instead of myself.
I tell you all of this because: I think of myself as an intelligent and level-headed person, but I still got swept away. If you can understand that you can forgive him for it. You can’t talk someone out of being in love with Darth Vader, and sadly, the worse it gets the more your friend might try to talk himself into trying to make it work because if there is a happy ending all the ways he’s had to abase himself to stay in the relationship will have been “worth it.” You tried that, it didn’t work. If this guy is really a bad person or even just a bad fit for your friend, then sadly even the best-case scenario involves pain for your friend.
So do I….except for when I was completely high on being intertwined with who I thought was the First Person To Really Get Me, Too, and then had to spend a year of my life in Love’s Methadone Clinic.And then Luke is risking his own life to carry Darth Vader out of the Death Star before it explodes so he can look up on that swollen purple face and experience one shining moment of real connection that would justify everything he’s invested in this completely dysfunctional relationship and he’s like “See? ” and even R2D2 is like “Whatever, the Ewoks are having a dance party, and I just can’t talk about this with you even one more time.Have fun with your collection of Ghostly Jedi Father Figures.” I dated a Darth Vader, who is listed in my cell phone literally as “Darth Vader Do Not Answer.” My friends were very overt in their (totally correct) disapproval of the time I spent with this intergalactic sociopath.I’ve told my friend what I think, and he always has an explanation for everything this guy does.My friend has brought up that the guy probably has Asperger’s syndrome, which, okay, that explains some of the social awkwardness, but I hate how my lovely, kind, and outgoing friend is always explaining and apologizing for this bozo’s outbursts.
There’s kind of a test for this that’s also the way to cope with this. ” And if you can find it in your heart, maybe try this: “I don’t like him, and I still don’t get it, but if you are happy then I trust you.” By which I mean…. Maybe Darth Vader has some rough edges but is really kind and funny in ways you don’t see.